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in a web of glass, pinned to the edges of vision

Ruminations that I'm not going to LJ cut and you can just freaking cope.

I'd forgotten how often we saw Magritte

mucha mosaic

Ruminations that I'm not going to LJ cut and you can just freaking cope.

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gayer than the gayest gay that ever gaye
So a thought occurred to me:
Straight couples have little discussion required about who's doing what to whom. There's an emphatic 'this is how it plays, homey' about who's putting what in where; if you want to vary from that (and good on you if you do!), there's discussion to be had. But most people won't vary.

Gay couples? It's a negotiation every night. Maybe I don't feel like giving head tonight. Maybe I just don't want to fuck your ass senseless tomorrow night. Is that something wrong with you? no. Might it take a good bit of coercing to get that across? yes.

Chripes, no wonder a lot of older gay men seem so lonely.
  • --You know, I like that way of phrasing it better. there is the discussion of checklist time in there, which doesn't seem to be as much a part of what little het experience I've had or observed.
  • I always thoughht of it like that. Ok sex is going to happen, right now for neotiations. Oral, anal? Giving? Receiving? What forms of protection? Positions? Optional kinks? Hot button no issues? Hot button I gotta have it issues?

    It could feel slightly clinical I admit - even when I do it now with Beloved :). But I do like the fact that it means you discuss more. You have, in effect, a regular discussion abotu what the other wants/needs from sex
  • Seriously, straight people who are good at it do the checklist too. The menu items are slightly different, but it's crucial. You need to know up front they are cool with safe sex and what acts are on the go and the no go list. you need to figure out what sort of things you're both in the mood for and which things are up for later negotiating, and what people's expectations are. When I lived back east, a lot of this got included in the flirting to make it more fun, it's harder to get West coast guys to do it that way. I guess it's a cultural thing. Either way, trust me, I've never had first time sex without the checklist and i'm used to nightly negotiation in a longer term thing.

    It's just they don't portray it in movies, TV showws and the like.
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