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in a web of glass, pinned to the edges of vision

Ruminations that I'm not going to LJ cut and you can just freaking cope.

I'd forgotten how often we saw Magritte

mucha mosaic

Ruminations that I'm not going to LJ cut and you can just freaking cope.

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gayer than the gayest gay that ever gaye
So a thought occurred to me:
Straight couples have little discussion required about who's doing what to whom. There's an emphatic 'this is how it plays, homey' about who's putting what in where; if you want to vary from that (and good on you if you do!), there's discussion to be had. But most people won't vary.

Gay couples? It's a negotiation every night. Maybe I don't feel like giving head tonight. Maybe I just don't want to fuck your ass senseless tomorrow night. Is that something wrong with you? no. Might it take a good bit of coercing to get that across? yes.

Chripes, no wonder a lot of older gay men seem so lonely.
  • It may be easier for those who fall into 'top' or 'bottom' or even 'I don't like ass-fucking' roles.
    • Well, see initial example: it's not even as simple as a fondness or non-fondness for ass-fuckery.
      • True, it could just be like 'eh...not tonight.'
        • And indeed- I might not feel like going down on my partner tonight. Doesn't mean that I don't want to have sex- there're just options other than what's chief on his agenda.
          It's a complex thing.
          • I have actually found that the negotiation has lead to boredom, in my limited experience.
            • hence feyandstrange's aforementioned 'lesbian bed death'.

              You have to cope with saying 'I want X, what do you want?' as a same-gendered partner: there're too many options not to.

              EDIT to add:
              I tend to have that part of the conversation before the clothes come off.

              Edited at 2009-12-22 09:23 am (UTC)
  • Well. SEE how YOU are.

    I personally think - from a couple-y or friends-with-benefits-y experience - that there should be some shared chemistry and instinctual capacity to at least fit into the top/bottom roles easily.
  • also: I think people who know each other vaguely should at least have an understanding of each other's bulletproof kinks - forgive me if you're not familiar with the term.
    • I do forgive you- and I am unfamiliar with the term!
      • bulletproof kink - the thing that makes one go 'guh' no matter what in terms of sexual practice.
        • Ohhh.
          Well, one can only hope to have comprehension of one's bulletproof kinks if one's voiced them beforehand in a non-sexual venue.
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