So a thought occurred to me:
Straight couples have little discussion required about who's doing what to whom. There's an emphatic 'this is how it plays, homey' about who's putting what in where; if you want to vary from that (and good on you if you do!), there's discussion to be had. But most people won't vary.
Gay couples? It's a negotiation every night. Maybe I don't feel like giving head tonight. Maybe I just don't want to fuck your ass senseless tomorrow night. Is that something wrong with you? no. Might it take a good bit of coercing to get that across? yes.
Chripes, no wonder a lot of older gay men seem so lonely.
Straight couples have little discussion required about who's doing what to whom. There's an emphatic 'this is how it plays, homey' about who's putting what in where; if you want to vary from that (and good on you if you do!), there's discussion to be had. But most people won't vary.
Gay couples? It's a negotiation every night. Maybe I don't feel like giving head tonight. Maybe I just don't want to fuck your ass senseless tomorrow night. Is that something wrong with you? no. Might it take a good bit of coercing to get that across? yes.
Chripes, no wonder a lot of older gay men seem so lonely.
And from girl-land here, this amuses me wryly; all too often, lesbians claim bed death is partly a result of this kind of negotiation, whereas gay men just shut up and have sex constantly, right? Lo how the grass is greener.
Ya do just get sick of the discussion.
There was a column by local sex-lebrity, Mistress Matisse, a while back about how she tried to go out and have a casual hook-up and any discussion about preferences killed the conversation. It was just assumed that X then Y then Z then we go to sleep and negotiation wasn't an option.
And I have to admit, the notion of chatting someone up in a bar and then talking out kinks does seem kind of weird.