Short explanation: taking a drug which woke me at what should have been the outset of REM sleep, just about four nights in five, left me in a state known as 'sleep-deprived'. I use this idiomatically rather than frankly: I was 'sleep-deprived' in much the same way that whacking into an iceberg left the Titanic 'navigation-impaired'. No solid sleep whatsoever has a documentable effect on the human brain. I have to plead temporary insanity, honestly (which doesn't forgive the behavior I indulged in). My temper was shot, my patience went along with it, and I couldn't really handle any frustration well. Not well at all. I apparently have been making great strides in this over the last few months.
There are several people who are owed an apology for having been in my path when I was frustrated, cranky, emotionally unstable, et cetera. Looking back at it, I can tell I was frankly out of my fucking gourd. Had a conversation with someone, two-three days ago, about a movie I watched that I had DESPISED-- and realized I hadn't even understood the whole plot of it. The whole shamefully SIMPLE plot. Those keeping score at home should know that I finally figured out what was sucking in 2002-- unfortunately, it was my outlook due to all this sleep deprivation, the sheer terror of nearly having been deceased, and not being very good at dealing with depression and frustration in horsepill-sized doses (which was only aggravated by sleep deprivation's way of magnifying emotional response way out of proportion). My apologies.
Since there's an LJ-cut here, let's throw in some quizzy goodness:
Which Ringwraith are You?
Rather than trying to track each and every person down who deserves to read this: if you know of someone who feels like I bit their head off between now and a year ago, please tell them to read this, and know it's for them. If you're reading this and feel like I bit your head off- I'm sorry.
Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
Okay, back to business as usual.