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in a web of glass, pinned to the edges of vision

Apologia for 2002. (or 'uh...oops?')

I'd forgotten how often we saw Magritte

mucha mosaic

Apologia for 2002. (or 'uh...oops?')

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mucha mosaic
So a lot of folks probably have wondered what the hell was up with me in the last 365 days. I have been cranky, I have been irritable, I have had a very short fuse. This has been notably better within the last couple months, I'm told-- which has a distinct relationship to a change in the meds I'm on.
Short explanation: taking a drug which woke me at what should have been the outset of REM sleep, just about four nights in five, left me in a state known as 'sleep-deprived'. I use this idiomatically rather than frankly: I was 'sleep-deprived' in much the same way that whacking into an iceberg left the Titanic 'navigation-impaired'. No solid sleep whatsoever has a documentable effect on the human brain. I have to plead temporary insanity, honestly (which doesn't forgive the behavior I indulged in). My temper was shot, my patience went along with it, and I couldn't really handle any frustration well. Not well at all. I apparently have been making great strides in this over the last few months.
There are several people who are owed an apology for having been in my path when I was frustrated, cranky, emotionally unstable, et cetera. Looking back at it, I can tell I was frankly out of my fucking gourd. Had a conversation with someone, two-three days ago, about a movie I watched that I had DESPISED-- and realized I hadn't even understood the whole plot of it. The whole shamefully SIMPLE plot. Those keeping score at home should know that I finally figured out what was sucking in 2002-- unfortunately, it was my outlook due to all this sleep deprivation, the sheer terror of nearly having been deceased, and not being very good at dealing with depression and frustration in horsepill-sized doses (which was only aggravated by sleep deprivation's way of magnifying emotional response way out of proportion). My apologies.

Since there's an LJ-cut here, let's throw in some quizzy goodness:

Which Ringwraith are You?
By Lisa

Rather than trying to track each and every person down who deserves to read this: if you know of someone who feels like I bit their head off between now and a year ago, please tell them to read this, and know it's for them. If you're reading this and feel like I bit your head off- I'm sorry.
Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

Okay, back to business as usual.
  • First off, let me say that we do love you. Alot. Even when you are a cranky bastard. Mwah. Second, if you're still having issues with sleep deprevation/insomnia, I'd suggest you pestering the hell out of your doctors until they do something about it. Love ya.
  • I'm just glad you're better now.
  • I'd noticed you were awfully cranky and bitter, but I don't feel like you bit my head off, personally. Probably mostly because I hardly saw you at all last year, which is another thing I'm glad seems to have been changing a bit in the past few months.

    Glad to hear things are going better for you.
    • okay think about this.
      'I'd noticed you were awfully cranky and bitter... I hardly saw you at all last year'.
      see? there was something awry. ;)
  • I only saw you in the context of DinoMUSH.

    I mean, think about it.
    • WINNAH
    • Yeah, I was going, "yay, he's finally getting over his newbie stage and starting to fit in around here!"

      But what do I know, I quit DinoMUSH anyway.

      Colubra, I am glad you are starting to feel more like yourself, and once more I want to repeat that I am very glad you are still with us -- or with us again, or whatever. I am glad you're not dead.

  • Eh, we love you anyway. Just glad you're feeling better/dreaming again. (So it turns out the reason you couldn't remember your dreams was because you were having damn few of them?)
  • Mmmmmm, sleep deprived. I'm aspiring to sleep deprived right now.
    • gaack. Here's hoping that settles out sometime soon- that's gotta be the part of being a parent that I have never been able to even consider handling.
  • remember a conversation we had, not too long ago, about people hiding out when they're out-of-sorts? i think i sorta figured that you were doing something along those lines. i was, however, very glad to find you here. i'm even more glad that i've gotten to see you in person a few times recently, and even hard you laugh out loud. several times.
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