?

Log in

No account? Create an account

in a web of glass, pinned to the edges of vision

For those who may have wondered...

I'd forgotten how often we saw Magritte

mucha mosaic
colubra's to-do list colubra's memories Tell a friend about colubra Search colubra Nudge colubra

For those who may have wondered...

colubra
6/9/06 12:22 pm
Previous Entry Share Next Entry
bad grammar
The rule-of-thumb answer to 'what's the polite way to talk about a person who you've known on both sides of gender transition', going from comments here and from comments in trans_advice (which were terrifically helpful!), would seem to be that one should use the gendered pronoun appropriate to post-transition gender.

Example:
I know Jennifer know, Jennifer was named James originally, and I've known her since she was seven and I was nine. I should say, f'rinstance, 'back in high school, Jennifer and I were inseperable; double-dated a lot. She never used to wear trucker hats then.'

...this seems so damn obvious I'm frankly embarassed it wasn't my gut instinct.

One especially insightful suggestion I got on trans_advice was that one regard the transition as being comparable to the transition of Ms. Smith into Mrs. Jones: she hasn't become anybody else really, and it doesn't matter that Mrs. Jones was Ms. Smith when you and she first met. You'd still say 'Mrs. Jones and I were chums in high school' without referencing that she was Ms. Smith then, right?

Thanks for bearing with my '...buh?' on this, for helping me find the Miss Manners answer, and for your willingness to share your insights.
Previous Entry Share Next Entry
  • (no subject) -

  • st_rev
    6/9/06 08:13 pm (UTC)
    Icon luv.

  • cold_in_august
    6/10/06 01:01 am (UTC)
    i read the post you made on tranny_please and i just wanted to compliment you on how receptive you were when one writer asked you not to use "tranny". you were so respectful and receptive to constructive criticism. i really value that in people. awesome.

    • colubra
      6/10/06 01:28 am (UTC)
      Thank you very much! ...though I think everybody on my friendslist just read 'you were so respectful and receptive to constructive criticism' and hurt themselves laughing. ;) I am a grouchy cantankerous asshole, generally. I'm glad I managed to hide rise above that tendency, in this situation.

      I should note that I did actually bitch about it- but outside of that forum, to someone who's far more entitled to be in-group on trans_advice than I am, and who therefore could play devil's advocate very neatly. The idol's feet are made of clay, I fear.

      I really, really was pleased at the great breadth and depth of the responses I got from trans_advice. The suggestion of framing one's thoughts on it around the same way you would with a woman who is now married who you knew before her marriage was exactly the metaphor I needed- and getting a broader slice of people's perspective from the outside of it really helped me be certain I was deciding to speak of someone else as they would want to be spoken of.

      Thank you very much for letting me know that I did right: I really appreciate it. :)

    • rabidfangirlism
      6/10/06 01:35 am (UTC)
      colubra is a jerkface. A lovable jerkface, but a jerkface nontheless.

    • (Anonymous)
      6/10/06 01:49 am (UTC)
      i saw your post on tranny please, and i just want to apoligize on behalf of the trannys. they can be touchy/bitchy, and i'm sorry.

      • colubra
        6/10/06 01:55 am (UTC)
        Oddly? I'd expected a ton of touchy/bitchy about it, which is why the initial question was a squintillion words long. I wanted to pad it as much as possible.
        That first one was the only moment of feeling like bitchy/touchy was going on, and it smoothed over very quickly. Everybody was perfectly forthright and didn't seem to use it as an excuse to let the bitch out. So really, there's nothing to apologize on behalf of, as far as I'm concerned. Very kind of you to offer, though!

  • product_junkie
    6/10/06 07:21 am (UTC)
    Dear You:

    You seem like a reasonable person. Lez be friends.

    --B
Powered by LiveJournal.com