?

Log in

No account? Create an account

in a web of glass, pinned to the edges of vision

I'm an adult now.

I'd forgotten how often we saw Magritte

mucha mosaic

I'm an adult now.

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
mucha mosaic
One of the themes of tonight's little escapade was 'we did this when we were kids'. Example:
I was sitting there going through her photos and I suddenly blinked at this photo of 4 people sitting shoulder-to-shoulder-to-shoulder on the edge of a futon, and it was clear that they were all young, because that is what we used to do before we all got creaky. And I sort of promised myself I would never have another futon that had to double as a couch in a studio apartment again.
Another example:
I used to go for that when I was a kid, but now? No, I'm a little pickier than that.

And semi-despairingly, this little voice inside me kept wailing When did I turn into a grownup?

So I pile onto the BART train to go home, and I get onto the same car as five teenaged kids. They have mohawks. They have Misfits Tshirts. They have bondage pants, and plaid skirts. And they're playing junglegym on this pair of bars that run the length of the car.
I'm looking at them and the first thought is 'does she realize I can see up her skirt?' (yes, I decided); the second thought is 'you know, I think I had a mohawk when I did that'.
This is not helping the feeling of having become old and crotchety. But I'm sitting there, curled up in one corner of my seat, listening to Camper Van Beethoven and watching punk rock kids hang upside down off bars on the ceiling. This seems appropriate. I feel sort of one with this, even if I'm not hanging off bars in the ceiling, you know?
And then this crotchety old guy got on, in Berkeley. I could not hear him, but I could read his bodylanguage. He started in on these kids- why, I'm not sure, but he was being a real asshole, you could tell that much. I muted my headphones and yes, sure enough, he's playing the 'I am a voice of authority and you punks should get haircuts and jobs!' tape.
And I pause and watch him. Rather pointedly.
Now-- those of you unfamiliar with your narrator need to picture this. I'm a darkhaired guy, thinning pretty far back, with oval glasses, a black Nick Cave t-shirt on, a black leather trenchcoat, black jeans, black tennis shoes, and a black shoulderbag. My underwear, at present, is in fact beige, but the crotchety man couldn't see this. And I raise an eyebrow and continue looking at him. And as he continues going on about how 'you punks aren't ever going to amount to anything', I smile at him, shaking my head.
"Sir?" I finally chime in. He turns to me and is about to give me a sideswiping shot, as I say "I myself used to sit on this very train, 15 years ago, listening ot the same sort of music these folks listen to, wearing the same haircut and the same clothes as these folks, and hanging off the bars and even hanging off them by my feet once. Just to prove to myself I could do it."
After a pause: "I, myself, have amounted to working for Microsoft. You seem to be an elderly gentleman pushing a bike on public transit." A cheerful smile as I get up. "Do have a good evening with your preconceptions."
The kids were also getting off as I got off, and they're giggling. One of them bumped into the guy's bike and before he could say a word, she reached down, picked up what she'd knocked out of his saddlebags (alright, the dual milkcartons he was using as saddlebags), and said "Oh jeez, I'm sorry... I didn't see which one I knocked this out of, which one does it go into?"
I managed to not laugh at the guy's expression as he stammeringly answered her, but once I was off the train I CACKLED. Waited a few minutes for the next train while the kids all were thanking me for making the asshole back off. I told them I'd been on /their/ side of the coin when I was their age, and asked them to pay it forwards, if they feel like I saved 'em from something.

Damnit, I may be getting older, but at least I'm doin' it gracefully. And now I'm sitting in my bedroom listening to hail beat the shit out of my window. Jeez! Neat evening.

...and it occurs to me that- I may be living in some of the priciest real estate in the world, but I'm living in an area where an evening's experiences like that can happen without effort on my part. That's worthwhile, isn't it.

Also occuring to me are the lyrics to the Pursuit of Happiness tune 'I'm An Adult Now'. So they follow.
Well, I don't hate my parents
I don't get drunk just to spite them
I've got my own reasons to drink now
Think I'll call my dad up and invite him
I can sleep in till noon anytime I want
Though there's not many days that I do
Gotta get up and take on that world
When your an adult it's no cliche it's the truth
(Chorus)
'Cause I'm an adult now
I'm an adult now
I've got the problems of an adult
On my head and on my shoulders
I'm an adult now
I can't even look at young girls anymore
People will think I'm some kind of pervert
Adult sex is either boring or dirty
Young people they can get away with murder
I don't write songs about girls anymore
I have to write songs about women
No more boy meets girl boy loses girl
More like man tries to figure out what the hell went wrong
I can't take any more illicit drugs
I can't afford any artificial joy
I'd sure look like a fool dead in a ditch somewhere
With a mind full of chemicals
Like some cheese-eating high school boy
Sometimes my head hurts and sometimes my stomach hurts
And I guess it won't be long
Till I'm sitting in a room with a bunch
of people whose necks and backs are aching
Whose sight and hearing's failing
Who just can't seem to get it up
Speaking of hearing, I can't take too much loud music
I mean I like to play it, but I sure don't like the racket
Noise, but I can't hear anything
Just guitars screaming, screaming, screaming
Some guy screaming in a leather jacket
  • Yes.

    -- L

  • Ha! Excellent.

    Even if I am going to be that old man with the bike when I grow up.

  • *grin*

    That was perfect.
  • (no subject) -
    • You know, I think 'we are ALL Auntie Mame!' might be a terrific .sig for you.
    • Good answer, really. As much as we need freaks having kids to kinda balance out others, we do get to kinda make up for it by being "that" aunt or uncle who helps lead our friend's and relative's kids down the alternative paths.

      Have you helped corrupt a child today?
      Have you been the voice of understanding to a questioning teen today?
  • Our bodies may get older but as long as our minds and spirits stay young we will be a-okay ;)
  • Dammit.


    Now I HAVE to go find this song again and listen to it. I used to have it on a mix tape right before Dramarama's "Anything, Anything"...and now I want to listen to that again as well. Dammit dammit dammit.

    -sml
  • Bravo!
    Far better than my escapade, in which I attempted to defend two small young goths from a pack of abusive bigger gang-wannabe girls, which ended with a near-fight and my taking a (fortunately non-shattering) Snapple bottle to the knee, and some other bruises. Stupid Muni.

    Thanks for that. I'm going to need that memory, as I haul my aching back and my elderly-feeling body out to the Haight, where I will be spanged by gutterpunklings, and I will catch myself thinking things like "They're looking at me funny; what, am I not punk enough for them? Because I haven't destroyed my $400 biker jacket or bleached my hair or tattoed my face into eternal joblessness? Fuck 'em, kids, what do they know about punk? Get a job, ya suburban rich-kid bums! Quit spanging me for my hard-earned cigarettes! When I was your age I was working for a living! I grew out my punk cut and wore a goddamned suit and paid my goddamn taxes, because I'm a fucking sellout who likes having a whole roof over my head and food that's not out of a dumpster and health care benefits to pay for treatment of the excesses I inflicted on my liver and lungs and limbs when I was your goddamn age!!!"

    ...and then Kai has to pull me off the trash can as I rant maniacally at the gutterpunks, and calm me down by taking me into the expensive punk store, where I shall buy outfits that, like Aldyth, I wonder if they're too young for me, or if my aging figure can really be flattered by.

    And then I remember Jello Biafra at the Anarchist Bookfair a few years ago, talking about stealth punks, and how punk isn't about the look, but the politics and the heart and soul, and he's standing there in whole Levi's and a goddamn New Kids On The Block tour jacket and a respectable haircut, making this massive statement that made me wish I hadn't hauled out my old punk gear to wear that day.

    Let's hear it for freaks who work for Microsoft.
Powered by LiveJournal.com