I'd forgotten how often we saw Magritte (colubra) wrote,
I'd forgotten how often we saw Magritte

  • Mood:

I GOT DEM SWISS COFFEE BLUES (bwah-dah-dah-duh-dwank)

Today I had hoped to be going home to unshelve books so I could move bookshelves so I could reshelve books in the new room.

The new room, as of 8 AM this morning, had been painted in the wrong color (the whole damn room is beige: i asked if it could be white top to bottom, since it's the only room that gets direct sunlight for more than 15 minutes of the day). No, even despite the fact that 'Walls: Frost' and 'Trim: Swiss Coffee' is written, in someone else's handwriting, on the warranty sheet for the $300 set of pots and pans I bought. No, no, the whole goddamned room is Swiss Coffee*, floor to ceiling front to back. The hardwood floors and the window ledge are the only surface that isn't painted with this color.

Now, this is the great big gargantuan slicer of urine (what the hell does 'pisscutter' mean, anyways?), in my eyes. The crown mouldings are all this rather difficult color I just don't much care for. the coved ceiling is. So is the beautiful bas-relief around the top of the coving on the ceiling. The doorframes? They and the baseboards got painted the GLOSSY EVIL WHITE OF DOOM, which looks like fucking SHIT in an all-beige room.
I suddenly feel utterly no guilt about the concept of dry-brushing all the moldings that aren't EVIL WHITE OF DOOM with a bronze metallic paint to give them some sort of texture and interest.

However, in addition to this nonsense, there are other problems.

The library-and-study-to-be also:
1: reeked of paint, despite nobody having laid paint down for at least 12 hours. This is probably because windows were left shut for the whole time to keep dust out. However, this isn't as important as it might have been because the room also
2: had A BROKEN WINDOW, assumably broken by the painters. A BROKEN WINDOW with a gap in it almost wide enough for one finger to go through without worrying about slicing, and probably wide enough for two fingers side by side (I didn't test this)- facing onto a street that produces different colors in DRY paint, due to how much exhaust is kicked up along it. Thank you so much for leaving that to help my paint dry to a nice even white! WAIT, you didn't even FUCKING USE WHITE PAINT!
3: lacked all switchplates and the beasts weren't anywhere to be found in the flat. So I probably get to buy more of these for the place. Good thing I shit money!
4: was covered with dust and sandings. I'm serious, this place hasn't been this dusty ever, and I don't even sweep regularly.
5: reeked of paint, did I mention, jesus christ my head. And
6: no frigging wonder the kitchen cabinets have nearly 1/8" of paint in layers on them, given that I just watched the painters lay down 3 full coats of paint in 5 days.

In fairness, I'm not too concerned about the window- the windows are being replaced this summer.

Now the landlady, of course, is coming in this afternoon, so she can check on smoke alarms in the midst of all this crazy nonsense. Crazy nonsense involving everything which ain't a kitchen item being in one of two other rooms which are now to-the-gills packed- or laying in a heap in the hallway.
I can't even FIND one of the three smoke alarms (the other two are either where they're supposed to be, or on a counter waiting to be put back once the painters are done). I left her a note calling her attention to A) the mislaid one and B) the fact that the room project is going less-than-glamorously.

I think I'm going to go watch Hitchhiker's Guide this evening, and pray that I come home to a sign that says 'WE ARE REPLACING THE WINDOWPANE TOMORROW, AND THE PAINTERS ARE DONE AND OUT OF YOUR LIFE FOREVER MORE'- I'd like to have a hallway again.

And I'm a lot less confident now about the idea of repainting my hallway myself, given the bullshit I have had to deal with for the last week from a 'professional' painter.

But then again, I don't think I could possibly fuck it up this bad.

If you have read this far, you deserve a bit of a chuckle. Swiss Coffee and Swiss Cream are two colors that Kelly-Moore offers. I saw the handwritten note and had heard 'Kelly-Moore' bandied about, so I went to their website.
Swiss Cream looks like a 1-pint latte that hasn't been stirred after 1 shot of espresso's been poured in, as viewed from above.
Swiss Coffee looks like a pint of milk that is being held by someone who is very earnestly thinking about coffee. It's about as dark as Haagen-Daas Coffee ice-cream. I found this dichotomy highly amusing. Cream is darker in color than coffee? WTF? Clearly these Switzers have weird ideas about cows. Or weird ideas about coffee. Or both.
  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded