I'd forgotten how often we saw Magritte (colubra) wrote,
I'd forgotten how often we saw Magritte
colubra

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If you ever work in an HR department in your life, REMEMBER THIS ENTRY.

There are a few rules that may help you.
No, there are TINY rules that may help you.
No, there's A rule that may help you.

I will call on Samuel L. Jackson's landmark performance in the role of Jules Winnfeld:

ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKAH, DO. YOU. SPEAK IT?
Examples of things NOT TO DO TO YOUR FELLOW MAN follow.

Never. Never ever ever. ask him to 'call out commitments', when what you mean is 'state your goals'.

Here is another thing not to do to him. Do not tell him to 'define success measures and metrics to evaluate the realization of your commitments'. Tell him 'Tell me how you're going to know how far you've gotten with accomplishing this goal'.

Another thing: do not replace your incoherent language with MORE incoherent language.

Another thing: just fucking nip off and blow your brains out before actually working in HR. if you're working in HR? Get out, or just fucking kill yourself and do the entire species a favor. You're only there to overcomplicate the English language, as far as I can tell. Samuel Pepys looks at you from his grave, and weeps. If you are not feeling generous towards your fellow man and decide to stay alive and work in HR, that of course is your decision. If you find that you might use this statement in so doing, I'd be flattered:
'I am really hating this new form, and I am loathing the training for it. If you could perhaps funnel such data upwards through your supervisor to someone who might actually be able to bitchslap our documentation team into composing in English, I'd really feel a great debt to you, and probably be further incented to accomplish greater and greater leveraging of differently-utilized assets.'
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