I'd forgotten how often we saw Magritte (colubra) wrote,
I'd forgotten how often we saw Magritte

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What do these items all have in common?

Here's the list.
A set of Logitech Z340 3-Piece Computer Speakers; a Mikasa Stoneware Sugar and Creamer Set; a pair of Vise-Grip 428GS 4-piece Locking Pliers Tool Set; a Tapco 1000 Brake Buddy; a Gerber Mealtime Baby; a set of Quick-Grip Bar Clamps; a 4-piece Crib Bedding Set; a 53-Piece Stainless-Steel Flatware Set by Oneida; a Gator Grip Universal Socket wrench; a DVS 17" LCD Monitor; a pair of Motorola TalkAbout 2-Way Radioes; a Memorex 48x12x48x CD-RW Drive; a Calphalon Nonstick Anodized Collector's Edition 12-Inch Round Griddle'; a 1/2" Heavy Duty 7.0 Amp Angle Drill Kit; and a Board Game named Nutty Elephant?

For some reason, amazon.com is operating under the delusion that since I was able to blow a couple hundred dollars on their website over 2002, I may desire new computer speakers; the sugar and creamer to a set of stoneware i don't own; a tool to screw things down, a tool to angle a drill (Or is it an angled drill? I have no clue) and a quintet of tools used to hold things, a tool used to screw things down, a doll, a COLLECTOR'S EDITION nonstick griddle...und so weiter und so weiter. The only thing they came close to hitting was the flatscreen monitor -- which is 1" smaller than the one I just bought, an offbrand unlike the one I just bought, and marketing for $100 more.
Why do they think that someone who buys books on queer studies would want these things? Why do they think someone who browses Dan Savage books is going to need a collector's edition nonstick griddle -- why do they think anyone will? Why do they think people who buy litcrit about James Joyce would need a copy of the 'Nutty Elephant' board game?
In short, why on earth do they think anyone would WANT this shit?

And why is it that if I don't want the sugar and creamer that won't match the dishes I do own, this means I want five pairs of vise grips? Does not being interested in accessories to your set of dishes mean you want monkeywrenches? Similarly, does apathy about a universal socket wrench mean you need a flatscreen monitor? Or does having a flatscreen monitor already mean you want a pair of walkietalkies?

Some marketing research might be well spent, here.

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