I'd forgotten how often we saw Magritte (colubra) wrote,
I'd forgotten how often we saw Magritte

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Survey Hell.

1. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie
2. Have you ever worn bell-bottoms? I was very young. They were corduroy.
3. Have you ever written a song? No.
4. Can you make change for a dollar right now? No.
5. Have you ever been in the opposite sex's bathroom? Outside of juvenile pranks? Yes.
6. Have you ever smelled your own feet? Yes
7. Do you like ketchup on or beside your french fries? beside: dip dip dip dip dip.
8. Can you touch your tongue to your nose? No.
9. Have you ever been a boy/girl scout? I was an Eagle Scout. Scary shit, huh.
10. Have you ever broken a mirror? No.
11. Have you ever put your tongue on a frozen pole? No.
12. What is your biggest pet peeve? 'what's wrong?' 'Nothing.'
13. Do you slurp your drink after its gone? no, that'd be utterly silly, I mean, the fly's been put up oh DRINK.
14. Have you ever blown bubbles in your milk? Yes
15. Would you rather eat a Big Mac or a Whopper? Neither
16. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping? Yes
17. When you are at the grocery store, do you ask for paper or plastic? Plastic
18. True or False: You would rather eat steak than pizza. True.
19. Did you have a baby blanket? I think so.
20. Have you ever tried to cut your own hair? Yes
21. Have you ever sleepwalked? Nope
22. Have you ever had a birthday party at McDonalds? No
23. Can you flip your eye-lids up? Yes
24. Are you double jointed? My shoulders are perfectly fine coming out of their sockets. But no, I'm not doublejointed. No human being is.
25. If you could be any age, what would you be? What would I be? I'd be omnipotent. What age would I be? You should have asked that.
26. Have you ever gotten gum stuck in your hair? No.
27. Have you ever thrown-up after a roller coaster ride? Nope.
28. What is your dream car? convertible ghia.
29. What is your favourite cartoon of all time? "lemme chop your mop, lemme crop your top daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaintily. daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaintily."
30. Would you go swimming in shallow waters where, one year earlier, a shark had attacked a child? No.
31. How many cavities do you have? Fixed or unfixed? 2-3 fixed.
32. Have you ever eaten a dog biscuit? No
33. If you were in a car sinking in a lake, which would you do first: unbuckle your seat belt or open your window? Belt first, then window.
34. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Yes.
35. Can you pick something up with your toes? Yes.
36. How many remote controls do you have in your house? 10
37. Have you ever fallen asleep in school? Yes.
38. How many times have you flown in an airplane in the last year? Only twice. Slow year.
39. How many foreign countries have you visited? Mexico, Canada, UK, France, Belgium, Nederlands, Japan, the Phillipines
40. If you were out of shape, would you compete in a triathlon if you were somehow guaranteed to win a big, gaudy medal? Can I get in shape instead?
41. Would you rather be rich and unhappy, or poor and happy? I've been poor and I been rich, and honey, I like rich better.
42. If you fell into quicksand, would you try to swim or try to float? Float.
43. At what age did you first try to drive a car? 16
44. Do you ask for directions when you are lost? Nope. I'm a man.
45. Have you ever had a Mexican jumping bean? yes
46. Are you more like Cinderella or Alice in Wonderland? Where are the guys for this question. Alice, I suppose, because she has a brain.
47. Would you rather have an ant farm with no ants or a box of crayons with broken points? Crayons.
48. Do you prefer light or dark bread? dark.
49. Do you prefer scrambled or fried eggs? scrambled
50. Have you ever been in a car that ran out of gas? Yes. And I got to climb a fence beside the freeway and walk a half mile to get gas while mom waited with the car. I was twelve.
51. Do you talk in your sleep? Yes. Apparently, I also sing in my sleep.
52. Would you rather shovel show or mow the lawn? Mow. Oh so very mow.
53. Would you rather be bitten by a poisonous snake or constricted by a python? Constricted: it takes longer, and one would have time to immerse the snake so he would swim away.
54. Have you ever played in the rain? Yes
55. Which do you think is more dangerous: an angry bear or a hungry white shark? Bear. The shark can't get out of the water. The bear can follow you into the water.
56. Would you climb a very high tree to save a kitten? How high, and how do the branches look? Perhaps; it depends on the tree, honestly.
57. Can you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? Yes.
58. Do you drink Pepsi or coke? coke
59. What's your favourite number? 22
60. If you were a car, would you be an SUV or a sports car? I'd rather be a peripatetic Dodge Pinto than an SUV.
61. Have you ever accidentally taken something from a hotel? No, it's always been on purpose.
62. Would you blow your nose at the dinner table? Not if it was avoidable
63. Have you ever slipped in the bathtub? Yes.
64. Do you use regular or deodorant soap? Deodorant: Lever 2000.
65. Have you ever locked yourself out of the house? Yes. I can fit through the bathroom window of my parents' house.
66. Would you rather make your living as a singing cowboy or as one of the Simpsons voices? Voice work is much more pleasant than wrangling cattle and singing.
67. If you could invite any movie star to your home for dinner, who would it be? David Bowie. What, he's been in movies.
68. Have you ever made a semi truck honk? Yep.
69. Which would you rather live with: a huge nose or crossed eyes? Nose.
70. Would you hang out with someone your best friend didn't like? Yes
71. Would you hang out with someone your best friend liked, but you didn't like? yes
72. Have you ever returned a gift? I tend to pass them on to people who would actually want them.
73. Would you give someone else a gift that had been given to you? 'What a terrific, uhm, bra you gave me, aunt Mabel! You remember I'm a boy, right?' followed 6 months later by 'Oh, hey Megan, there's an unused bra here you can have.'
74. If you could attend an Olympic Event, what would it be? Fencing
75. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 5
76. If your grandmother gave you a gift that you already have, would you tell her? I'd ask her what she was doing out of her grave, first and foremost.
77. Do you sing in the car? Yes. And in the shower and in the livingroom and in the bedroom and on the sidewalk and...
78. Would you rather jump into a dumpster or into a vat of honey? Dumpster.
79. What is your favourite breed of dog? weimaraner.
80. Would you donate money to feed starving animals in the winter? Yes.
81. If you were a bicycle, would you be a stingray or a mountain bike? mountain bike
82. What is your least favourite fruit? Durian.
83. What kind of fruit have you never had? Harvey Fierstein.
84. If you won a $5,000 shopping spree to any store, which store would you pick? Powell's Books
85. What brand sports apparel do you wear the most? Gap. What, they're sweats, that's sports apparel, innit.
86. How many letters will/did I earn in my high school career? None.
87. Among your friends, who could you arm wrestle and beat? most
88. If you had to choose, what branch of the military would you be in? Navy. Go figure.
89. Would you ever parachute out of a plane? Yes.
90. What do you think is your best feature? The big stick that goes with the soft-spoken.
91. If you were to win a Grammy, what kind of music would it be for? What a silly question.
92. What is your favorite season? Fall
93. How many members do you have in your immediate family? 2: parents. If one sets up 'imediate family' to mean non-relatives, then 5.
94. Which of the five senses is most important to you? sight
95. Would you be a more successful painter or singer? Singer
96. Have you ever ridden a tortoise? yes
97. How many years will/did you end up going to college? I went for 3.5 -- didn't graduate.
98. Have you ever had surgery? AHAHAHAHAHAH yes.
99. Would you rather be a professional figure skater or professional football player? figure skater
100. What do you like to collect? Books

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